What is Narcissism?
Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one’s idealized self-image and attributes. The term originated from Greek mythology, where a young man named Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water. Source: Wikipedia
10 Signs Your Parents are Narcissistic
Perhaps many of you have never come across this term, but gas-lighting is another word for manipulation, typically where you are made to doubt your own memory. Narcissists love to manipulate, often by denying an event that took place, by lying on instances just to prove the other wrong, by misleading or misdirecting, and sometimes by contradiction.
For a child under the influence of a narcissist these occurrences are confusing and make them question their sense of reality. They are made to believe in a reality that is made inside the mind of the narcissist. They are expected to carry the weight of blame every time things go left.
Children are often an outcome of the love, care, and nourishment they get as a child. In a narcissistic setting, a form of abuse is denial. Denial of the essential care, love, respect, and nourishment a child needs in order to grow and prosper well over the years.
When it comes to children, the question is not whether they deserve it or not, the question is how to we address a child’s needs and wants so that it helps them grow well. Sadly, for most of the narcissistic parents, since their focus is more on self than on the child, these needs are blatantly denied, or worse, rejected.
Guilt-tripping comes in various forms and shapes. While, many of us, every once in a while, use this as an escape or a way to get things done but for a narcissist, it’s a common trait. In the case of a narcissist parent, they will guilt-trip you for not listening to them, for not obliging to their ways, even when they don’t make sense to you or are simply incorrect.
A child’s first school is his home, his first teachers are his family members. Not because they are consciously teaching them all the time but because naturally the child is picking up cues and making his sense of reality in the environment he is subjected to. As he grows up he starts questioning a lot of things in his environment in addition to accepting a lot of things as they are. At that point, if his needs are ignored, the attention he deserves is not given, it hampers his growth. He has to answer the questions on his own. Some confusions stay with him for long. Sometimes he finds answers from places that are not authentic. This can create a false sense of reality for him.
Narcissists don’t believe in respecting a child’s esteem. They will punish them for pleasure on seemingly insignificant matters. They will not refrain for humiliating them in front of their peers or in public. This hurts the child’s esteem. Yes, children feel as bad as adults do. They deserve as much respect as adults do. They are no punching bags to pull out your frustration on.
Depending on any relationship can easily become a vice. While it’s normal for a child to depend on the parent in their early years but after a certain point things need to transition into either independence or interdependence. They need to learn by doing, by making mistakes, by experiencing for themselves. Narcissists often hamper their growth by either making them emotionally or financially dependent on themselves.
We have already discussed manipulation in the form of gas-lighting and guilt-tripping. Another way a narcissist might manipulate is by prompting the child to share their feelings with them and then using them against them later on. This hurts the child’s trust immensely and he finds it hard to rely on relationships later on in life. For him, in his mind, everyone out there is going to exploit their feelings one way or another.
Narcissists don’t accept their short-comings, worse they lie to you about their flaws and failures. They try to convince the child blatantly that their flaws are not actually flaws, that they are for their own good and often discard the child by telling them they don’t know how the world works.
A narcissist wants you to make up for your short-comings and their short-comings as well. For this, they will blackmail you emotionally to an extent where you feel forced without will to comply to their demands.
10. Stealing Thunder
A narcissist is all about himself, his excessive need to be acknowledged for things they have done and the things they haven’t done makes their situation worse. They will claim all the credit you deserve. They will steal your limelight and shine under it themselves.
Sadly, narcissists are who they are. Unless they realize it for themselves, they can’t change. These signs are not all there is. Narcissism can come in various forms and shapes, some of these are even severely psychopathic in nature. If you are experiencing narcissism in any shape or form, get help. Learn how to cope or evade the situation.
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