Women usually face both types of physical and emotional abuse but many societies think that there is no such thing as emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is a form of domestic as well as family violence. An emotional abuser can be anyone: your father, mother, siblings, or partner. Emotional abuse can be destructive just like physical abuse and can have a huge impact on one’s mental health.
I have been a victim of one. My emotional abuser was no other than my mother. Yes, you read it right. Sometimes having a mother is just equivalent to being a motherless daughter. My mother never respected me. For her, I was just a burden. I belong to an Asian family so, I remember that I was almost 22 at that time and my mother was looking for marriage proposals for me. There was one guy to whom my mother sent my picture to but unfortunately, I was rejected because of my skin color, and instead of comforting me, she started yelling at me that I am just an embarrassment for her.
She used to taunt me on my skin color and physique. I used to be fat so she used to keep me hungry for days just to make me lose weight. Back in college days, all my friends used to bring food and money for themselves but my mom never gave me lunch nor money even though she earned a lot.
We had zero financial issues but still, she never had the money for me. She used to say that I am stupid, I can’t make my own decisions, or I am just not good enough. I was a gold medalist but my mother never appreciated me. She always degraded me. I was not allowed to spend my own money as I used to work in a well-reputed firm but my mother kept an eye on all my transactions and used to lash out if she found any transactions she was unaware of.
Now, how it affected me. This all made me an under confident and insecure person. She made me believe that I am of no good and I will never be worthy enough. But soon I realized that she is not the one who will settle matters for me, I can make my own decisions, and I should start believing in myself.
No doubt the whole process of me trying to regain my strength was really hard but I didn’t give up. I started confronting my mother and told her that I am not an ungrateful child but instead she is an unfair mother. I accepted the fact that what happened with me was never my fault it was her who tried her best to shatter my personality but little did she know that I grew stronger day by day.
We all are somehow victims of emotional abuse but we don’t know how to identify it. Some signs of emotional abuse are:
1. Verbal Abuse
If the other person constantly yells or screams at you and always insults you then this a type of emotional abuse. This sort of abuse has a deep impact on your mental health and you try avoiding any noisy situations as it just makes you recall the situation of others yelling at you. It can also induce anxiety. You might feel uncomfortable around loud noises as it reminds you of unnecessary yelling.
2. Rejection of ideas
The abuser usually tends to reject all your ideas and opinions as he thinks that your thoughts don’t matter. They do this to make you believe that you are dumb and can’t come up with good ideas or are not smart enough to take your own decisions. This is a way of them controlling you.
Sometimes the abuser is really manipulative. He/She makes you doubt your thoughts, feelings, and sanity simply by manipulating the truth. This is their way of getting around things. You can never make them feel guilty for it.
4. Isolating you
This is one common technique used by all abusers that they restrict your freedom. They don’t let you meet other people and stop you from all other activities that you like or enjoy doing.
5. Financial Abuse
They don’t give you money or give a minimal amount of money. They prevent you from working because they fear that it will make you financially independent so you won’t rely on or listen to them.
6. Lack of privacy
You don’t have a private life. Your messages, emails, or social media accounts are checked by the other person.
7. Blame Game
They don’t accept their fault and whenever something unexpected or bad happens they blame you for it instead of owning their decisions.
They intentionally say stuff that hurts you or makes you sad or is insecure about it. They love embarrassing you in front of others
Abusers shame you on all of your shortcomings.
This all has a very negative impact on your self-respect and confidence. Usually, emotional abuse leads to depression and anxiety.
Now the question is how to get rid of such emotional abuse and the answer is simply by getting support. Support can be from anyone your friends, therapists, or even you.
Book a one-on-one session with Zainab to start your healing journey today!
You can come out of your grief, you can come out of your victim mentality, you can embark on the journey towards healing. Let me, Zainab, help you start your healing journey. Book a session with me so we can start working on you.
The most important thing is to believe in oneself and know your worth and the best way to do this is to consult a therapist because sometimes all you need to do is talk to lighten your heart.
Now it’s the time when we start taking emotional abuse seriously and try our best to not be abusers for anyone around. If I was able to regain my strength then so can you. All you need to do is to gather some courage and face the abuser. Make him feel that whatever they say does not affect you.
You are a strong independent girl who can make her own decisions and clearly knows the difference between wrong and right. It’s time when we women stop listening to all other manipulative people. Just believe in yourself and consult a therapist and in no time you will be over your emotional abuser and will start a new life.