Sometimes we undergo some circumstances that we are unable to bear or forget. It can be anything a loved one’s death, an unhealthy relationship, rejection by a loved one, or a heartbreaking experience. Dealing with any type of pain is hard but we must know that pretending everything is right which isn’t in reality is of no help.
When I was 12, I lost my mother. She was diagnosed with breast cancer. Doctors were really hopeful that she will be fine but I don’t know what complications arose and she died. As people say a mother is a child’s first best friend, I shared the exact same relationship with my mother.
We used to play and do our chores together. I still can’t forget the time she was taking her last breaths. I was just not able to process her death. I used to think about her all the time. After some years my dad re-married someone who was worse than Cinderella’s stepmother.
So, I spent my whole childhood as a motherless daughter. I was a neglected child and this whole situation had a deep effect on my personality. The whole emotions bottled up inside me that I reached a point where I wanted to end my life.
That’s when a really close friend who was also a psychiatrist told me that I need to undergo therapy as talking and releasing all the negative thoughts in your mind to a person who can understand you are helpful. I took her advice and started taking therapy sessions. Trust me it helped me a lot. I believe that we all need to recognize the signs of unhealed trauma and should know the positive way of dealing with it. Some common signs that you are suffering from unhealed trauma are:
#1 Resisting positivity
Whenever something good comes up in your life instead of cherishing it you get suspicious. You think that nothing good can happen in your life and you keep your mind entangled with negative thoughts all the time. You feel that you don’t deserve happiness or anything else.
#2 Strong fear of failure
You are afraid of failure to such an extent that you lose all your motivation and don’t even try giving that particular opportunity a chance. It stifles your creativity and ambition as well. It makes you insecure about yourself. Everyone fails but not availing of an opportunity just because of its failure is wrong. We should know that failing is just another step towards success.
#3 Difficulty in asking for help
You find it hard to communicate with people. You don’t open up easily to your family or friends. The thought of others making judgments about you scares you. You believe that asking help from others will make you appear weak in front of them. Also, you prefer suffering in silence than being rejected or denied by others.
#4 Fear of Success
Fear of success also exists the same way as fear of failure does. You held yourself back from achieving something not because you are afraid that you won’t be able to get it but because you fear what will happen when you would get it. You unconsciously end up sabotaging your chances of success.
#5 Low self-esteem
Neglect, abuse, or abandonment can make us question our self-worth and so we struggle to feel good about ourselves. Trauma has a strong impact on one’s self-image and makes you feel worthless.
Sometimes we feel intense emotions that we don’t know what to do and end up hurting ourselves. This is one of the major signs of unhealed trauma. We take out such emotions on ourselves and rarely lash out at other people.
#7 Difficult to concentrate
Trauma usually has psychological effects and its victims do face trouble in concentrating. Memory gaps, blacking out often, or hard to keep your thoughts composed are symptoms of unhealed trauma.
#8 Planning everything beforehand
You prefer keeping yourself in control to such an extent that it becomes unhealthy. You plan stuff way beforehand from little expenses to the dresses you are going to wear or the food you are going to eat. When things don’t go the way you expected or planned them to be you get frustrated.
#9 Unexplainable symptoms
Sometimes some symptoms can not be explained but they affect you in different ways. You can feel anxious or panicky, sometimes you lose your appetite, or find it hard to sleep. Depression and memory flashbacks are also common.
We all are fighting our own battles and there are more chances that my battle is different from yours. We need to understand and respect each other’s trauma.
We don’t know what other person is going through so instead of making a society where one gets judged on his past or present let’s form a society that acts as a safe heaven.
My friends who have unhealed trauma please stop being afraid of asking for help as it does not make you seem weak instead it depicts how strong you are that you are ready to deal with your trauma.
So, don’t fear asking for help from professionals or even your dear ones. There is nothing in this world that can’t be fixed without effort so, we need to put our efforts to overcome our trauma. I pray that each one of us gets the courage to face our worst fears.
Here, start your journey today and read about How to heal childhood trauma – explained step by step.
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